ShrappyLog #6 – 12/03/2012

Sorry I didn’t write all weekend. I’ve been spending time with the family and studying for finals.

I learned a lot in the past few days. I got into a fight with a close person over something small, and I realized something about the darkness of myself and of humans in general.

In the darker moments of our relationships, we tend to look in our closets and find not only our skeletons, but those that belong to our loved ones. Why? Why would we have other peoples’ skeletons in our closets? Because they’re waiting to be unleashed upon our command. It’s because that’s our way of keeping tabs subconsciously on others in order to “defend” ourselves when the time is right. In other words, it’s a cheap shot. It’s a juvenile surprise attack. When I was angry, I wanted to use all of the knowledge I had on the person, against the person. Insecurities, past shames, and all the other bullshit uglies you can think of. In these times, you feel clear. Unfortunately, it’s just anger. Anger makes you feel clear. It’s dangerous, because it’s just a feeling. True clarity has nothing to do with feelings.

Have you ever thought of losing a loved one? By maybe .. a murder? Let’s say this murderer wasn’t caught. What do you think would be your first “clear” goal? Revenge. Transparent, divine, justified revenge. That’s probably how you’d be feeling. But it’s just anger and grief.

I guess I’m just trying to say that I need to be more wary of my anger. It’s gonna be tough as hell because I’ve always had a temper, but there’s never an excuse to not try.

Thanks for not laughing at my attempt to be profound, fraggers.

*BOOM* goes Shrappy~



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