What A Morning

World, it’s you again! Thank you for coming back, I appreciate it. So let’s talk about a few things. This morning I ran late for a meeting, didn’t have breakfast and I voted for Miss Double D-cember.

The Meeting

This meeting that I had to attend was called a “Banker Re-skill Meeting”. It’s for bankers who aren’t performing well in regards to making quotas at the end of each day and yes, you read correctly…day. Before you start judging me about my work ethic and saying to yourself that I shouldn’t be blogging and I know you are, let me tell you about how slow my branch is. Recall in my last post about me being transferred to a new branch. Now, imagine this:

We’re on our way to Disneyland. It is possibly THEE most perfect day there could ever be at Disneyland. The weather–a whopping 78 degrees, with a light breeze. The people–everyone is so damn cheerful and nice, and someone just bumped into you, but “it’s all good, bro!” Totally cool! Right on! As we’re standing in line to get into Disneyland, the family from hell is conjured out of the beautiful and sunny skies. The mother, a large beast of a woman, whose only purpose at Disney is to eat everything and everyone and swears like a sailor. The father, a man of much reluctance and disdain for his family, sharply darts his eyes around the park to see if he can escape this nightmarish family, but at the same time, he scans the park for hot hunnies to spy on. Sandra (Sandy), age 11, wants to ride everything and everyone. (Not like that, you perv. But maybe like that). Donald (Donnie), age 13, whom is much like his father loves the ladies, grabs every passing female’s bottom with great ferocity. Now, you may think this family seems normal. They’re not too bad. Well, the only thing that could make them worse is…Oh, no! Yes. THEY’RE LOUD, OBNOXIOUS AND EXPECT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO THEM ON A SILVER PLATE! (I had to add the exclamation mark just in case you didn’t know I was yelling).

So in that story that really went nowhere, my old branch was Disneyland, and my new branch is the family from hell. Actually, that story has no place at all in here. What a terrible analogy. Sorry for wasting your time, but thanks for keeping with me for this long.

So anyway, what in the world are these District Managers and Managers thinking? They tried to soften the blow by telling us that the meeting that’s going to be held weekly isn’t a punishment, and that it’s something of a help to sharpen and hone our selling skills. I’ll tell you this, I wouldn’t be blogging at work if I was busier. Foot traffic for this branch is a complete one-eighty to the foot traffic that Disneyland has. I use that comparison to emphasize how ridiculous it is to give me numbers to meet when there are no numbers walking in. And being at this new branch, the only ways to get your numbers are to make cold calls now. Oh, I didn’t know that I was hired as a telemarketer. They might as well put me in a call center because calls are all I do now. Except for right now. Go on, judge some more.

Also, they had us put together some kind of strengths and weaknesses chart that is supposed to show all the groups from different branches what different tactics we can use to get our numbers. Do they understand that no one goes there thinking, “Oh boy, I’m ready to learn some new tricks of the trade. I sure as hell haven’t been doing the right thing, maybe I’ll get something out of this.” I believe the only way the meeting helps is to make us not want to be there again next week, so we’re gonna hustle as much as we can from now until then. But it’s not like we’re not working our asses off. The bonuses are great. Oh, and the thought of losing our jobs looms in the air as well if we don’t perform…so there’s that.

No Breakfast

World, I am on a health conscious run, and at first it started as a diet. Now it’s a lifestyle change (I’ve lost 10 pounds in a month!!)  to where I eat clean, eat lean and make the most of my meals. This morning I ran late for that meeting, which means no breakfast, which means I come on here to rant about it and my stomach is talking to me right now. If you know the voice of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, then that’s what it sounds like.

Heyyy up there. You didn’t feeeeed me today. What am I to doooo? I’m lonely down here. No food equals sad meee. Maybe I’ll start singing the song of my people. We call it the growl. Will you feed me then?

Miss Double D-cember

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to KROQ(K-ROCK). They hold a contest every year and it’s called the “Miss Double D-cember” Contest. The winner gets to go to a ton of different events with the crew of the morning show on Kevin & Bean, and it just makes me wish I had a voluptuous body so that I could win something cool like that. I normally never care about looking these things up, but I so happened to today and it was a great idea! I actually voted and here are a few of my favorites!:

Ally

Hey, Ally. If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?

 

Mckensie

She looks like a nice girl.

Natalie

She’s a dirty girl laying on the ground like that.

 

If you like any of those girls or want to check out more, you can go here:

http://kroq.cbslocal.com/kevin-beans-miss-double-d-cember-2013-top-10-finalists/

But do it soon, Double D-cember is almost here!

 

–Jabberkaboom!!

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